Vampires Suck

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There are real vampires.  There are vampire bats and insects that drink blood, sure, but I mean the things in this world that suck the life out of you.  Some people are just vampires—they take forever, never give, and seem to think you owe them for some reason.  Some jobs are vampires, and you need to quit those jobs and find somewhere to be a team with others who are working together rather than being life-sucked, because that makes life, well, suck.

But even in the best job ever, there are things that you have to do that leave you feeling more tired than the passing time can explain.  These things drain you, and they stop you from feeling creative and from performing at your best.

The biggest vampire is the progress bar.  Sometimes it’s an actual bar, sometimes it’s a wheel that just keeps turning, but whatever it looks like, it’s the complete stoppage of all things that makes time pass as though magically slowed.  It doesn’t help that sometimes the progress bar says that it will take 5 minutes, then 7 minutes, then 3 minutes, then 20 minutes, and it still says 3% uploaded.  Kill.  Me.  Now.  

But these vampires do more than suck away your energy and joy, they steal your time.  If you’ve budgeted for that time because the terrible condition of your data storage is not a surprise, then you are truly stuck, like one of those writhing sub-vampires who don’t really get to do anything other than hiss and stay right next to the Master.  Next time you’re staring at the progress bar wondering if you’re going to get to work again that day, you’re going to picture that, and you’re going to roll your eyes at the thought of the words, “Yes, Master.”  At that point, the Powers That Be have resigned themselves, and you, to your fate and just planned around it rather than fixing it.

Oh, mysterious Progress Bar who controls my very existence, I offer you my life, presented in 5/7/3/20 minute bursts, as I sit and stare at the screen, helpless until You will otherwise.   

I would like to offer you a visit with a (not really) World Renowned (not really) Vampire Hunter, specific to Progress Bars and similar maladies.  With a well-designed work flow and a system that can keep up, there are no Vampires.  

Our Engineers bring their own tools, and we’re pretty high-tech, so don’t expect to see stakes and garlic, but we still got this.


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